February 20, 2017
How do I learn to trust myself?
On My List
I get up this morning and, not only do I have a list, I actually start highlighting items on my list. I am determined that today is the day that I actually am able to knock a lot of these items off my list. So goes my thinking as I plan my day, during my morning run.
Best Of Intentions
Back from my run, and as I get started on my list, it becomes apparent that my computer, or my network, or my internet connection is simply not going to cooperate. OMGoodness, but each page that I try to load is slower than the last. The air is blue with my language. I'd throw my machine through the window, but I realize that just might be a bit on the counterproductive side. But, wow, I don't recall being this frustrated in forever. My progress on my list is brutally slow. I understand that patience is one of my lessons, but, seriously, my progress was beyond ridiculously slow.
Now, given that I have worked in software support for a number of years, I try to reason my way through what is slowing me down and what I need to do to address the issue. However this experience, coupled with my programming diploma, does not really help me troubleshoot what I believe to be a network/internet issue. So, finally, after the frustration of it all has reduced me to tears, I resort to reloading my internet browser. And, voila, the issue is resolved!
I had considered and actually investigated uninstalling and reinstalling my browser several times throughout the day - but each time I found a convenient reason (aka excuse) not to go down that path. Because I thought I knew better?
Ultimately, It's A Matter Of Trust
As I analyze my reaction I realize it's a matter of trust. Either I don't trust that someone knows more than I do. Or I don't trust my own judgment and understanding of an issue. And, ultimately, I know that if I don't trust someone else it's because I don't trust myself. While that thought is enlightening, it also makes me very sad. Because it's endemic in the world that we live in.
The Good News
The plus side of that (and there is always a plus side) is that I am determined to help change that attitude and help people (including me) learn to trust themselves. I don't know how yet, exactly, but I know it's a part of my purpose.
It's why I built my site. It's why I've spent so much of my own time and money trying to find products that really work. Even though I have struggled over the years to find answers to my own health concerns, I trust that I am on the right path. And every time I find another awesome product and receive really great feedback on it, my trust in my own abilities, knowledge and intuition grows. The more investigation that I do, the more people that I partner with, the more I know and believe in what I am doing - and I love that feeling!
Part of my lesson in this whole process is patience. As the saying goes, "grant me patience, but I want it right now!" So I'm learning to celebrate each victory as it comes - my own personal victories as well as those who have decided to trust me, and ultimately trust their own inner voice. And, for now, that is enough!!
B – The Healthy Guerrilla