Out for a run today. Beautiful running day. I love, love, love running when the sun is shining. Running is a big part of my self-care routine. I use it to regroup. I use it to meditate. I use it to blow off steam.

What a tumultuous week it has been. Not for me personally, but for a lot of people in my realm. People getting fired. People quitting. Relationships ending. Big conflicts in relationships. So I retreat to my journals from previous years as I often do when I feel out of sorts. And I come across a couple of words that I wrote in my journal a year ago. Only not know. I don’t recall who said that or where I read it. But it is very fitting. Worry is all about the past or the future, never about the present. So being ok with not knowing is bound to help bring peace to whatever is presently occurring in our lives. It’s not always easy, but it is always that simple.

No Such Thing As Permanent

I ditched my last permanent, full-time job over 3 years ago now. And since then I have never been without work. And I am often turning down opportunities that come my way because I only have so much time and energy. Once I got past the fear of not having a permanent job, I really started to enjoy my work a lot more. I do have a lot of different skills and experiences to draw from. And I get bored easily if I have to do the same thing over and over and over again. Same for working with the same people for an extended period of time.

Somewhere along the line I came to realize that there is no permanent job out there for me. And that security does not come from a job. It never has, it never will. But I spent years buying into that philosophy.   Because I thought that I was in control. That, too, is an illusion. And for me, it was because I was living in fear. In fear of what might happen. I don’t know if what I was afraid of happening ever did happen. I don’t ever recall any catastrophe in my life because of something that I did or didn’t do.

Just Let It Go

I have had my share of struggles over the years. I cannot say that I am never afraid anymore. But I don’t let the fear rule my life or my decisions. It will all work out somehow. No matter what. It’s not easy. But it is that simple. Only not know. And I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know. But it’s all good. I don’t need to know. I just need to be ok with that. Secure in the knowledge that whatever is meant to happen will indeed happen. Knowing that everything that does happen is for my good. Knowing that it happens in the time that is right for me. That’s all I need to know.

B - The Healthy Guerrilla